Post-college what?

A few days ago, I received an email from the Duke Office of Information & Technology that my school ID and everything associated with it would be deactivated on Feb. 24th. 

My heart sank.

They were telling us, move on! Let go! Go out into the world now and become an adult! And the way we're going to teach you how to do that is to now just cut you off...and give you a lame alumni.duke.edu replacement email. But no replacement ID. Now all you have left to do is give lots of money (even more than the $160,000 tuition everyone already had to pay) to help pay for unnecessarily extravagant 50 inch plasma tvs and $3000 spanish benches all over our campus. 

I guess it had to happen sometime. I couldn't always remain under the comforts of a Duke name. 

It was, in fact, too comfortable at times. It was a world of opportunity and unlimited dreaming, where money seemed to flow where the mouth moved, where the ideas lay, where the passion lived. But it was also a place of privilege, pride, and ignorance, where even altruism was driven by self-importance and the desire to succeed.

There was a certain vanity, though, that the name of Duke fed and nurtured. Especially here in Korea, where the names you wear and the people you know are unfortunately the only things that matter. Though I try to suppress and deny it, it fed my ego to see the expression on people's faces, filled with a mixture of want and approval, when I told them where I went to school. It was an automatic ticket into an exclusive world, which, as much as I hated, pulled at me like a nagging child.

But when faced with the truth, you realize that Duke and its glorious prestige is fake. It doesn't really matter. And those to whom it matters to don't really matter.

The billions of dollars and power associated with that name will not help you find happiness, or meaning, or allow you to understand the suffering of those around you in this complicated weave of human connections called life. 

And so I'm happy it's letting me go. It hurts my pride and my vanity a bit, but those need to die anyway. 

It's time to live by another creed.

To taste the rigors and tears and laughs of what this life offers without being covered by a blanket of complacency and undesevered optimism. To overcome our fears of disapproval, rejection, uncertainty, pain, and death. To understand what it means to suffer, and to love, and to find freedom in those unabashed expressions of human interactions. To find joy in serene silence as well as chaotic noise. And to accept, but to hope, in all circumstances, with a grateful heart. 

To not be complacent. And to not forget the cries of those around you.

They don't teach you these things in the college classroom. It's what you learn in the smiling face of a child who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, in the wrinkled hands of your working parents, in the passionate words of a musing academic,  in the broken yet hopeful cries of a war torn society, in your dreams, in your imagination, and in those deep dark corners of your life waiting to shine.

Procrastinating

Unfortunately, I am doing what I promised myself I would never do after college.

I am up at 5 am in the morning. Not because I woke up early to see the sunrise. 

I procrastinated.

Sometimes I don't understand myself. I know the time being awake during the wee hours of the night is going to be painful. I know that I will wish, every time, with every inch of my soul that I had started earlier and went to bed at a godly time. 

It never ceases to amaze me how I don't ever learn. 

Maybe in my head, I have subconsciously reasoned why it's better for me to procrastinate than to start on time, or ahead of it. 

Well, because, I don't realize that I'm procrastinating. To me, I am starting on time.

Procrastinating is the socially unacceptable behavior of what I just call thinking. or researching. or trying to make sense of what you're supposed to be doing. 

And, in the midst of my thoughts, I think of so many interesting things about everything else, that I tend to get... no, not distracted, just inspired! by unrelated ideas.

And it's not so bad, come to think of it, being wide awake while the rest of your block is sleeping, thinking of all the possible concoctions and connections and conspiracies that make this world go round.

Of course, procrastination would be bad if I didn't end up finishing the task at hand, but I always do. 

Eventually. 

It just requires a little more pain, with very little gain. And I always think to myself, I could have done much better if I started earlier.

But even my dissatisfaction with the quality of my work is only an excuse. I tell myself that I could have done better because I believe I have the inner talent to be able to. But due to external factors I could not control (i.e. having to think, research, get inspired), I was prevented from showing my true colors.

On the other hand, if, for instance, I take all the time I want, and I still come out with a crappy product, what will I tell myself then? 

You see, humans can make excuses for everything because the world works in the eyes of the beholder. 

And as long as I keep telling myself that I'm not procrastinating, that I'm simply digging deeper into what I am supposed to do, that I'm starting on time, I will inevitably continue procrastinating for the rest of my life. 

I'm still waiting for someone to convince me otherwise. 

Touching the past

I have a slight obsession with stuffed animals.

I spent hours looking them up on the internet and I found myself "aw"ing at every one of them. And sighing.

I have the habit of naming all my stuffed animals, and I can't sleep without at least one of them.

It's the softness of their coat, and the way they remind me of my mother's smile.

Maybe it's because I feel lonely sometimes, and I don't want to tell anyone.

I remember in 1991, my mother had gone to the donut shop where she worked from 4 am, and my father had gone to do janitorial work at Hilton hotel, I heard my little brother crying, not knowing what was going on. He was only 1 and I was 6, but I sensed a overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

And that's when I grabbed my bright orange and green turtle, and began telling it all my worries. His name was Jefferey and he was the only one, or thing, that was with me all the time. Later, when I turned 11, my mother put him in the washing machine and he exploded. I cried for several hours until my mother gathered the fluffy polyester cotton from the washing machine and sewed him back together. He was never the same after that. A bit limp. But I still dragged him around with me everywhere.

And there there was my next bear, Muffy, who had a constant frown on his face. My aunt had seen how much I liked Jefferey, so she gave it to me on my 10th birthday. I would sit with the yellow bear in my lap, wondering why he always looked so sad, and conjectured ways to change his frown into a smile. I dreamed once that he came alive in my sleep, but it wasn't a pleasant dream. He asked me why I always tried to make him happy. He enjoyed frowning, because that was his way of expressing himself. 

I had several others dolls after that. It would be senseless to name all of them. But with each one, I instilled a distinct personality, something that I could imagine, create, and nurture. 

I still do this sometimes. And people find it strange. Almost baffling. A 24 year old girl who still squeals and reaches out her arms in delight when she sees fluffly stuffed animals on the streets, in the stores, and in other people's homes. But it's what connects me to my imagination and my comfort, as well as the soft memories of my sad yet strenghtening past. I surprise myself still, when my hand touches the plush softness of a stuffed animal while mindlessly passing it in the store for it almost instantly puts me at ease, and I remember, and smile at how far I've come and how much there is to come. 

Korean man convicted in first marital rape case (against Filippino wife)

BUSAN, Jan. 16 (Yonhap) -- A local court on Friday convicted a Korean man of raping his wife in the first such case in the nation's legal history.

The Busan District Court sentenced the 42-year-old man, identified only by the first initial of his surname "L," to a 30-month prison term suspended for three years on charges of forcibly having sex with his Philippino wife at knifepoint.

In 2004, a district court found a Seoul man guilty of sexually assaulting his wife. But this latest unprecedented ruling marks the nation's first judicial conviction of a man on marital rape charges.

"The defendant should have treated his wife with affection, because she has difficulties in speaking Korean and feels lonely in this remote foreign country. His behavior cannot be acceptable as he threatened his wife with a gas gun and knife to have sex against her will," the Busan court said in its verdict.

The man was also accused of forcing his 25-year-old wife to have sex even during her menstrual period. He married his Philippine wife in 2006 through an international marriage broker in Korea and was indicted last year on charges of rape.

The court said it suspended his sentence for three years as he expressed remorse for his misconduct. It also noted the victim was held responsible for failing to make efforts to communicate with her husband and to adjust to Korean culture.

brk@yna.co.kr

Blogger's comments:
The victim is responsible for failing to make efforts to communicate with her husband? And for failure to adjust to Korean culture?

What situation could you imagine where a wife could even attempt to communicate with a man who 1) believes he owns her as a commodity, 2) demands sex from her at knifepoint against her will?

There are several things wrong with this picture. The thought that it is okay to "buy" someone's dignity and freedom because your country has a higher GDP than the other's country is disgusting. And for the judges in Korea to fault the woman for failure "to adjust to Korean culture" is not being able to notice the huge plank in their own eyes. Maybe if Korea came out of its still backward patriarchal worldview and belief that it is better than everyone else (except white people), other nationalities and races would have an easier time adjusting. And do Koreans adjust to other cultures well when they are abroad? Never! They do everything they can to retain their tradition until it painfully fades with each younger generation.

What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7_dZTrjw9I

Mumbai

I walked into Yonhap News Agency today, like any other average day, a little out of breath from running from the subway station not to be late. As I was was eating my daily peanut butter and jelly sandwich and drinking my cold calcium-enriched soy milk, I heard the copy editors next to me talking about a shooting in Mumbai. A shooting in Mumbai? My ears perked, since I have several friends with connections to that city, the hub of finance and tourism of India.

What I saw while browsing through the NY times, CNN, and the BBC was far more horrifying than the "shooting" I had imagined in my head. It was a massacre. As I sorted through hundreds of photos and eyewitness accounts of the terrifying incident, I felt chills running up my back and cold sweat dripping from my forehead. Young boys, aged 20 to 25, spraying rounds of ammunition from their AK47s with completely emotionless expressions on their face. Almost a look of content and entertainment. A complete, inescapable nightmare.

I guess being American, I couldn't help but be struck by the fact that the attackers were singling out people with US and British passports. If I had been in that crowd, I could have probably passed for being Korean, but still, the situation made me wonder what motives were behind their particular selection. What explanation was there for their incredible hate and deploration of Americans and Britons? Even after hearing several hours of news reports concerning this attack, I'm not sure whether the terrorists were planning on killing the hostages or not. But if they weren't, perhaps their goal was to keep them for ransom, or perhaps even a spit in the face of two supposed superpowers.

While thinking about this attack, I realized that the tactics of military power and hegemonic rule of the US had once against met its match--the untrackable, intangible, transnational strategies of terrorists who challenged the state's monopology over the use of violence. More force and military hard power's not going to fix the problem. It will only create greater strife and violence. So what's left for the world to do?

I guess that's the problem left to our generation to find out.

Vote for ( )

By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
Published: November 1, 2008
NY Times

Here’s what strikes me this election eve: I can’t remember a presidential campaign that was so disconnected from the actual challenges of governing that will confront the winner the morning after. When this election campaign began two years ago, the big issue was how and for how long do we continue nation-building in Iraq. As the campaign comes to a close, the big issue is how and at what sacrifice do we do nation-building in America.
Unfortunately, you’d barely know that from the presidential debates. Watching them in the context of the meltdown of the financial system was like watching a game show where the two contestants were kept off-stage in a soundproof booth and brought out to address the audience without knowing the context.
Since the last debate, John McCain and Barack Obama have unveiled broad ideas about how to restore the nation’s financial health. But they continue to suggest that this will be largely pain-free. McCain says giving everyone a tax cut will save the day; Obama tells us only the rich will have to pay to help us out of this hole. Neither is true.
We are all going to have to pay, because this meltdown comes in the context of what has been “perhaps the greatest wealth transfer since the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia in 1917,” says Michael Mandelbaum, author of “Democracy’s Good Name.” “It is not a wealth transfer from rich to poor that the Bush administration will be remembered for. It is a wealth transfer from the future to the present.”
Never has one generation spent so much of its children’s wealth in such a short period of time with so little to show for it as in the Bush years. Under George W. Bush, America has foisted onto future generations a huge financial burden to finance our current tax cuts, wars and now bailouts. Just paying off those debts will require significant sacrifices. But when you add the destruction of wealth that has taken place in the last two months in the markets, and the need for more bailouts, you understand why this is not going to be a painless recovery.
The Bush team leaves us with another debt — one to Mother Nature. We have added tons more CO2 into the atmosphere these last eight years, without any mitigation effort. As a result, slowing down climate change in the next eight years is going to require even bigger changes and investments in how we use energy.
Given that Times columnists are not allowed to “formally” endorse candidates and given that the context of this election has changed so much from the policy positions the candidates started with, all I can suggest is that you vote for the candidate with these character traits:
First, we need a president who can speak English and deconstruct and navigate complex issues so Americans can make informed choices. We have paid an enormous price for having a president who could not explain and reassure us during this financial meltdown. We wasted a huge amount of time pretending that we could punish Wall Street without punishing Main Street — when, in fact, they are intricately intertwined.
A major money market fund — Reserve Primary — failed in September because the extra interest it offered customers derived, in part, from the $785 million in high-yielding Lehman Brothers commercial paper and notes it was holding. Depositors who told their congressmen to just let that greedy Lehman Brothers fail were shocked to discover this meant that their own money market would be frozen. No, we don’t need a president defending greed on Wall Street, but we do need one who can explain that we are all in the same boat, that a leak at one end can sink everyone and that while we must regulate, we don’t want to kill risk-taking and the rewards that go with that — which are essential to growing our economy.
Second, we need a president who can energize, inspire and hold the country together during what will be a very stressful recovery. We have to climb out of this financial crisis at a time when the baby boomers are about to retire and going to need their Social Security and eventually Medicare. We are all going to be paying the government more and getting less until we grow out of this hole.
Third, we need a president who can rally the world to our side. We cannot get out of this crisis unless China starts consuming more and unless Europe keeps lowering interest rates. Everyone is interconnected, and everyone is still looking to America to lead.
So, bottom line: Please do not vote for the candidate you most want to have a beer with (unless it’s to get stone cold drunk so you don’t have to think about this mess we’re in). Vote for the person you’d most like at your side when you ask your bank manager for an extension on your mortgage.
Vote for the candidate you think has the smarts, temperament and inspirational capacity to unify the country and steer our ship through what could be the rockiest shoals our generation has ever known. Your kids will thank you.