Introverting myself?

In these last several days, I have been forced to face inward toward myself for the energy I usually get from interacting externally with the people around me. Multiple times have I picked up my phone to dial someone to talk to or plan dinner with, only to realize that everyone is so busy with their own lives that they only reluctantly give me the time of day.

Contrary to what I would have liked, not having someone or something to constantly distract my attention has forced me to confront the dreadful questions that have been lingering in the back of my mind. Today, in the midst of my massive migraine and drained body, I finally said a prayer to the God that I have neglected for so long. Until now, I had constantly been able to rely on those precious few people who have, for better or worse, kept me from sinking in loneliness and pondering about my fears. But now I'm submerged deeply in this thing called uncertainty, and nobody is there to sweep me away from the discomforts of truth.

It's been so long since I have genuinely prayed to God that I have almost forgotten how to do it. The unfamiliar feeling of reaching out to God is combined with the overly repeated and seemingly meaningless phrases of Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, and forgive me of my sins.

I remember in high school when I had felt the same sense of loneliness and confrontation with reality, and that in my humble tears and pain, I had reached out to Christ with all sincerity and brokenness. That moment had been so pure, so untainted, and so real for me. Why it's so hard to relive that moment as the time passes by, I don't know. Perhaps it is because I have come to rely too much on the people around me for my sense of purpose and supporting energy. I haven't spent enough time thinking to myself and relying on the promise that God had given me from the beginning. It's so hard to trust something that has become so unfamiliar to me.

Is there hope? They say there is. They say that God is always knocking on the door of your heart and you only have to open it to let Him in. But even that notion is foreign to me. What does it mean to open the door to my heart? I like dealing with the abstract, but this is too literary for me. I am almost at a point of desperate need. I need Him and I don't know how to reach Him.